Ty told me today in the locker room before weight training that I jinxed her because her Ipod got stolen yesterday. She just got one of the new cute Ipod Nano's for her birthday a few weeks ago and it's already freaking stolen!!! ARGH I can't tell you how angry it makes me. Seriously, if you ever steal an Ipod, consider my friendship gone because it SUCKS REALLY BAD!!!!!


On another note, I was working ALL day yesterday. I started chemistry homework at one, took a half hour nap at 6:30 and was working until 9 o clock. IT WAS HORRIBLE. Ok, not that bad . . . because life can always be worse, but I need to make sure I do the little stuff everyday so it doesn't build up like that anymore. As for tonight, I'm concentrating on all my government homework. I have to do the entire chapter 9 outline (which luckily, I probably only have half an hour or 45 minutes left of), and then I have to outline ch 32 of the econ book . . . which from what I hear won't be too bad. I also need to do that article journal, and that will probably take 45 minutes to an hour, but I doubt I'm going to do that today . . .

That's pretty much my break for the day, so now you should remember to NEVER steal an Ipod.

why on earth did I take chemstry?!?!

ALKDASJDOFIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my first break since I've gotten home, and I'm pooped and there is still way more to do.


On the bright side, MR IPOD CAME HOME TODAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody turned him into the lost and found, and still in perfect condition, WAY more than I could have hoped for.

It keeps me happy to know that there are still good people poking around and not stealing ipods.

Just for clarification, my previous post wasn't meant to say, "Feel sorry for me or you're not a real friend."

More like, "Why am I still working so hard to maintain these friendships when all I get is crap in return?"

Anyway, me and Myspace are taking a break. Maybe this me continuing my path into isolation, but either way, I'm tired of the drama. If you need to reach me, you can call me or email me . . . it's not that hard.


"What the hell did you just say, you little soda humper?"

Lately, I've lost patience with quite a few of my friends.

In case nobody has noticed, this past week I haven't been myself. I've been irritable, isolated and depressed. Thursday night, I was crying so much I couldn't go to sleep, and Friday I left after first period because I was too stressed and scatter-brained to concentrate on anything but what was going on with my dad.

I'm upset because very few of my friends even picked up on this. I'm not here to complain about my life or bitch because I'm not getting enough sympathy, but don't expect me to join the "OMG so-and-so looked at me today" chitter-chatter when you haven't even taken the time to ASK how my day was. I'm not expecting people to be psychic  about what's going on either, because I know perfectly well that very rarely did I indulge what the deal was,  but I can't deal with people acting like they have problems when they don't.

Ok, let me rephrase that, because everybody has problems . . . I can't stand it when people act like they have problems that aren't problems.

Three things I'm not dealing with anymore:

1. Constantly complaining/worrying about what you look like. SORRY!!!! But it doesn't matter. Trust that you're beautiful and quit bitching and fretting.

2. Sitting there and telling me that you're so unloved and need new/better friends when I'm sitting right there trying to be your best friend. Maybe if you ever called me back you wouldn't feel so lonely.

3. The constant she-said-he-said dating scene. I DON'T CARE!!! Relationships come and go, and when they do, great . . .but the constant quest for somebody to make you feel validated isn't something I relate to, and isn't something I want to hear about. I want to talk about REAL things, not something you won't remember in two weeks.


Obviously, I'm bitter. And obviously, I'm not perfect . . . I can be inconsiderate and talk too much and I know that I'm not "Miss-Self-Esteem" either . . . but at least I'm trying. I don't wear my self-hatred out to the world, and I'm just asking that you don't either, because nobody is interested in hearing it.






AND BTW . . .  for once I have good news about my dad! I can't express how happy it makes me, but his tumor is stable and the tumer on his liver is gone!

I'm going to be a LOT out of sorts until Friday.

And then it's make or break.

I got my first edition of Newsweek in the mail today, and I am very very pleased about it.

So my mom went down to the school this morning to help me get my schedule fixed, because the consoling is completely oblivious when it comes to students themselves trying to get shit done, like I have been for weeks. Anyway, she got things done super quick, and this is what my schedule now looks like:

1st: Multimedia Productions w/Skocko
2nd: Comp. Gov't w/Summers
3rd: English w/Waldron
4th: Chemistry w/McKee
5th: Weight Training w/Odem

First of all, I'm really glad I got to keep my first two periods the same, because I'm really satisfied with the classes and the people in them. Second of all, Mr. Waldron is already WAY less annoying than Mrs. Macceca . . .thank goodness I got out of her class. I'm also really glad I got into 5th period weight training with Jessica, my "perma-partner". Though I do feel bad about leaving Jacki, and I liked having a class with Court (sad face).

I couldn't get in Pre-Cal like I wanted because I'd have to drop multimedia, but I'm glad to at least be in Chemistry. I have a feeling it will be much easier to take in college if I take it now in high school, plus it's a class that will supply me with something to do. The only bummer is that it is proving kind of difficult to catch up in, and I'm going to have to make up a couple quizes and stuff, and the only person I know is Ty. But Shane has chemistry too with the same teacher, so we will prevail in this year together! He's already helped me to catch up with notes and stuff.

On a last note, the school is offering that PC-124 class or whatever at 3 every Wed., and I can't decide whether or not to take it. It looks like the course load is a lot of BS but Mr. Waldron says that it's a requirement at the community colleges anyway . . . so I might as well get it out of the way. (I just don't want to waste my Wednesday afternoons . . .)

Overall this school year has been pretty good so far, my one complaint being that I wish I had a class with Cristina and Keisha. But I really really love getting out early!

This is part of an entry in CaringBridge my mom wrote about a week ago:

"I recently found out an interesting factoid about this particular drug that I’ve been meaning to share. It’s called Tarceva and it’s a relatively new chemo drug. It’s the one I was surprised he received without a major fight with the HMO since it is so new. He takes one every single day and it’s the one responsible for his rash, and possibly responsible for how well he’s doing. The factoid is that the drug costs $110. per pill at WalMart. I’m not kidding. One of the ladies I know via the internet had a husband on the drug for a short period of time but he couldn’t tolerate it. Their insurance wouldn’t cover it so they were buying it themselves at $110. EACH. It just blows my mind. She has three left over that she’s trying to give away to somebody else because she doesn’t want the $330. worth of meds to go to waste. For all my complaining about the HMO I can’t imagine what size pile of medical bills we’d be sitting on without their services. Geo has consumed thousands of dollars worth of this one drug alone. I’d heard chemo drugs were ungodly expensive but I truly had NO idea. Fortunately for us, the 30 count pills I picked up cost us a whopping $20. total."

I find this really amazing, though I pointed out to my mom that our $800 monthly health insurance bills we've been paying for years are probably breaking about even now. Yesterday I drove my dad to the oncologist appointment at Kaiser Zion to get his weekly chemo injection, and although I've heard it's not a fun trip (my mom doesn't like to go because it makes her sad seeing all the sick people), I don't think yesterday was too bad. The saddest part for me, really, was the fact that everybody else there receiving treatment was old. As in, wrinkly and white hair . . . and here is my dad at 53 years old, full head of (MOSTLY) black hair, sitting among them, probably sicker than all of them. It just isn't fair.

It really touches me when people ask me how my dad is doing, or when they bring our family dinners and whatnot, not because we can't do it, but because it's a nice way to show that they care. Mr. Skocko this morning pulled me aside to ask me how my dad was doing and if his prognosis was any better, and told me to please keep him updated, because he wants to make sure I can be a daughter before I am a student. He said he lost a parent when he was about my age and knows how hard it is, and he wouldn't let me do poorly in his class (as far as absences and stuff) b/c my dad is more important than sitting in the mac lab.

On another note, coming home early is really great. I've pretty much just been hanging out with my dad all day the past couple weeks and it has been really fun, we're good old buddies now! Makes me really happy.

Here is the link to the CaringBridge site (which is basically a blog about how my dad is doing . . . and other random stuff in our family), for those of you who want it. I've posted it several times but I'm doing it again, because it really means a lot to me when my friends read it.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/georgemilke

"And if someone comes up to us whining about God knows what, we are going to whirl on them, take our finger and punch it in their chest and say: Get a problem."

I really, really like redheads.

God help me this year.



Tonight: finish one more chapter of comparative notes.

Tomorrow: take my dad to chemo after school, get last chapter of notes done.

by Friday: finish my journals and be done with AP summer homework, WOOP WOOP!

My dad's new phone is very nice, and according to the Verizon guy, it has the best camera of any camera phone out right now. Anyways, my dad gets free texting and all that jazz, and emailed me these two pictures I thought I'd share. The first one he took when I was sleeping, because he found it very humorous I was comfortable like that. And the second one I took when I was playing with his phone after getting my wisdom teeth pulled. He looks like a little turtle I think. :)

Oh my god these pain meds are killing me.

I woke up from a three hour nap feeling like it was full night's sleep, and in it consisted of a dream where my family (and plus) were climbing rainbow beach cliffs (think La Jolla Shores . . . in color) and Truman was there, only he was purple and ended up decapitated. It was very sad.

Not to mention strange.

Ugh, I have not felt good today. Yesterday was really great, but today . . . not so much.

My surgery was super super quick yesterday (I think I got some other guy's slot or something), and I was pretty out of it for at least an hour. I don't really have anything but vague memories, but I know that the nurse was really nice/funny, and wishing she could be my friend in real life (weird.), and I remember her walking me out to my car afterwards. I also remember my mom saying that she was going to drop me off, and then go by Kaiser to pick up my prescriptions, and next to Jamba Juice to get me some smoothies. I really wanted her to take me with her to do all this and I her response was pretty much: "I'm not bringing you to the drugstore when you can't even walk without stumbling!" and the rest of the ride I tried to convince her that I was ok.

I have a hard time remembering actually getting home, but I know that once I was home I rambled to Dad about not being able to go, and then I rambled to Shane about my problems (though he doesn't really remember either because he was half asleep). I also got upset with my dad because my mouth was as dry as Death Valley and he wouldn't let me have any water until my mom came back with the Jamba Juice (something about my stomach still being asleep . . .).

Anyway, I slept for a few hours after that, and my Grandma Jackie and Tony came over to visit my dad. I wasn't so out of it by this point and when they left I asked Julie to come visit me. I'm not really sure of the timeline but she was over for hours keeping me company before Nick and Abe joined us. We played some Apples to Apples and then started what turned out to be a 5 hour long game of Risk (which consisted of some serious backstabbing and Abe riding on Shane's way too trusting coattails). Nick eventually won and I went to bed.

This morning I woke up feeling like CRAP. And that has been pretty consistent all day. My dad hasn't felt good either but he went out of his way to get me some mashed potatoes, which I thought was really really nice and made me very happy. I've puked a couple times today (I know, just what you want to here) and I've spent most of my time sleeping. I'm "stoned" as my dad would say, from my pain meds, and Christian has been drinking so we were hanging out for awhile in our drug-induced states. I feel really nausious again so I think I'm off to bed. Hope tomorrow is better.

My life is pretty fucking gay right now.

Besides the obvious my-dad-is-dying factor, or the fact that one of my best friends no longer considers me a friend anymore because I didn't go to fucking Denny's last night, let's include the fact that Valhalla is RETARDED.

My senior year has been fucked up for many reasons previous today, due to new rules and a lack of the creative writing class I've been looking forward to taking for four years. Now let's include the fact that I emailed BOTH the counselers WEEKS ago about my schedule, and neither one got back to me, and now, when I called them today, there is just about nothing they can do to adjust my schedule the way I want it. They don't even offer stats anymore, pre-cal is 6th period when I only want 5 classes, and the only time I can get into a chemistry class is 1st period and even then I'm still stuck in Tech Theatre. I DON'T WANT TO TAKE TECH THEATRE!!!! Not to mention that despite everything I really wanted to take weight training 5th period, but can I do that? NO! Because that period is fucking full. I swear to god if I don't have weight training with Cristina or Shane I will shoot myself. I mean it.

Here's what it looks like:
1st: multi media
2nd: comp. gov't
3rd: english
4th: weight training
5th: tech theatre

Basically, all hope I had of getting into USC is out the window.  Everything I've been working so hard to get arranged and accomplished this summer isn't happening, well fuck me. I'm done caring.

So I asked my dad about getting my nose pierced before I'm 18, and surprisingly, he said it was a possiblity (he also asked if I was trying to get on the cover of National Geographic, with my stretched ears). And again, surprisingly, he said my mom would be my biggest battle.

Well I asked her tonight and she pretty much said she would let me do it. Granted, she was drunk, but I'm not sure how much of a difference it makes with this one.  She only said that it had to be after I take my senior picture.

YES!

I tell you, attraction is a funny thing. Sometimes you're attracted to people and you can't explain why, and then other times you know exactly what draws you to them.

Another thing, why is it that it always comes in waves? At least for me. I've noticed that I either have long drawn out periods of feeling like nobody notices me, or I have so much attention I feel overwhelmed.

I've recently come to the conclusion that I am going to stop pursuing people. It is a lot of work, and frankly, I am the GIRL. That's right, if you want me, then it is your job to do something about it.

I here on out plan on spending my days reading&writing&learning&improving myself. I'm done pleasing everybody else.

A few days ago I finished reading Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley, and I have to say, it was very intriguing. I think I'd give it a B on my approval rating, definitely worth reading. I watching the movie right after finishing the book, though I have to say, it didn't come up to spar. While it was humorous, the book had a thicker, more interesting plot line, and lots more sex (that always makes everything more interesting, you know). Both mediums, however, are worth investing in.

So I was looking to download iMovie when I discovered that I already have Windows Movie Maker . . . and it's not bad! I made this in less than an hour, and although it could probably be a little better/have more pictures, it's still pretty cool :)




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Ugh thank God. Just finished my fourth ch. of AP notes. So far I've done 2 from the American book and 2 from the Comparative book, but I definitely like the American better. Though I have to say, this last comparative chapter that I just finished was loads better than the first one I did, and it was mildly interesting until it went into a deep segment on Afghanistan's political history. Anyway I plugged through and I'm proud of myself, I'm officially halfway done!

My Aunt Peggy came to town today from Jacksonville and is staying here for two weeks, which I am very grateful for considering she is the only one who can talk reason into my mom, and actually gets a picture for all the dynamics around here. Today is her birthday and I made her a beauuuttifull cake last night, and in an hour or so we are going to go eat at Applebee's. Surprisingly, my mom let me drive to and from the airport this morning, and besides one small swerve on the way back I did pretty good.

In other news:
-my dad hasn't felt good today and puked this morning, first time since his anti-nausea medication  :(
-I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed on the 16th, a good excuse to be loopy for a week or two
-I'm taking my senior pictures on the 25th . . . not so yay, I don't want to deal with trying to dye my hair and whatnot
-Comic Con this Friday!


PS: I started reading Thank You for Smoking, it's pretty good so far.